Potty Talk

On my recent trip to the casino, I stopped to use the bathroom. I did the usual, walked into the stall, had a big fight with the toilet seat cover because every time I pull one out of the dispenser or try to unfold it, it rips, which drives me insane. After the normal number of attempts (4), I finally got it right and eventually sat down. I had barely begun to pee when SWOOSH the toilet automatically flushes. Friends, I don't think five seconds had passed before the toilet bowl decided TIME'S UP! NEXT!!! I couldn't believe it. For a brief moment, I actually felt compelled to get up even though I wasn't finished peeing. I went as quickly as I could, this feeling of panic beginning to overwhelm me lest the toilet go off again sending me running, my bladder still half full.

I managed to make it through with only one flush and went to wash my hands. I am familiar with the automatic dispensing of the water and the paper towels and I think it's a very environmentally friendly idea and I support it 100%.

However, what I didn't know was that we are also apparently experiencing a shortage of soap. As I looked around for the dispenser, I noticed this very chic looking silver thing to my right. I admired it's modern design for a moment but quickly went back to looking for something with which to wash my hands. After a few moments, I realized that this little side "faucet" was actually the soap dispenser and thus put my hands underneath it and waited. A couple of seconds later the most MINUTE amount of soap slowly dripped onto the palm of my hand. It was such a tiny amount I suddenly felt like the lead character in the musical "OLIVER", "Please sir, may I have some more". It was ridiculous. So, again, I waved my hands and again this TEENY portion comes slowly dripping down. You can imagine how annoying it was so, like your average upper middle class crazy person, I felt that something needed to be said and obviously I was the one who was going to have to say it. "You've got to be kidding me," I told it. "How selfish can you be? Really?" I asked, waving my hand again for the third time. "It's soap. This isn't ..Africa.., you're not holding a bag of rice, there's plenty to go around so cough it up."

Just then another woman entered the bathroom essentially cutting off my "dialogue" with this miserly piece of metal and so I quickly started to wash my hands. As I was doing so, I heard that familiar SWOOSH sound coming from the inside of a stall and a woman's voice yelling, "What's the hurry?"