Games I play

I don't think this is normal, but I play games with myself...almost ALL of the time. I'm not talking about the mind games that boys play with girls in the dating world. I'm talking about games, in my head, that no one else knows about except me. These games are not challenging, really. and they are by no means difficult to play. but for whatever reason, i find them very entertaining and rewarding; especially when I win.


One of my favorite games is the "Car Game". When I see three of the same model car parked in a row in a parking lot or driving down the street, I win. For example, if there are three VW Jetta's all parked next to each other in a lot, I win the game. Just like that. It's simple. I get bonus points (obviously) if all three Jetta's are the same color. That's only happened once for me though. It just so happened to be when I was passing a parking lot for a utility company and there were a whole lot of white Priuses lined up in the lot. And I mean hundreds! I kind of had a field day with that win! Some might say it's cheating. But then again, no one really knows that I am playing these games, so there is no chance of ever getting called out on my game playing tactics.

A new fun game I like to play with myself is the "Facebook Game". I click on my profile and then look at the friends section. There is a algorithm on Facebook that randomly selects 8 friends profile pictures to appear underneath your own profile picture. If I dated ANY of the 8 friends who appear in the random 8, I win the game. I don't win this game too often but I do play the "Facebook Game" quite a bit. I just keep hitting refresh until I eventually win the game. It's especially rewarding to win at this game because my chances of winning are fairly slim. I still remember the night when two ex-boyfriends photos appeared at the same time. I think I actually let out a yelp. As you can imagine, that was a pretty exciting win for me!

Hoffman Management, LLC

When you're wading (or drowning) in the dating pool, sometimes you'll have dates that feel more like job interviews. There's the first date (initial interview), second date (call-back for a second interview) and if you make it to the third date and realize you wish to no longer see them anymore, you then have to deal with letting them know this. I've discussed the many ways this could be done with a guy friend of mine. (you know-in person, via text messaging...kidding) While he was sipping (lots of) tequila from his livingroom, he drafted this open letter for me...that I will now share with you. Feel free to personalize to your liking and save to your hard drive for future use:

Dear      ,

It is with regret that we inform you that you are no longer being considered for the position of Future Mr. Hoffman. While your references were excellent and your background would have appeared to be a strong fit for our culture, other considerations prevent us from being able to offer you the position at this time.We will keep your application on file, though we believe that your embarrassing table manners as well as your inability to dress yourself for public viewing does not make us optimisitic of any future callbacks. Instead, we will keep you under consideration for any future openings in the "Guy Friend" position, where there are exciting career opportunities available for those that wish to hear Christine bitch about the guys that she shouldn't be dating, because they are brainless imbeciles. In this role, you will receive training to say and mean the phrases "you're better than that", "he's a douchbag", and "that's what happens when you lower your standards and slum it". In the event that this role does not prove to be to your satisfaction, we wish you the best in the future.


Sincerely,


Hoffman Management, LLC